2009 Essay contest results

Amidst postponements and delays and other synonyms for laziness, this year's entrants were not phased (fazed?) by the stress imposed by deadlines. At first, we were afraid that people forgot about the contest. But as it turns out, they were trying to be as Wong-Smithy as possible, even at the risk of turning in a late paper. That shows some serious dedication, and those entrants are to be commended. There were some excellent submissions this year, and we are happy to again give out $200 in cash prizes to the winning submissions. Prizes will be distributed to the winners after confirming the preferred method of funds transfer (i.e., snail mail). For questions, comments, or anything else, send an email to julio.coolio@gmail.com and Julio will get back to you at some point.

Sincerely,

The Committee to Judge Wong-Smithy Essays submitted to the Committee to Judge Wong-Smithy Essays

Jeff & Mike
JaM Productions

the essays

Should Retirement Be Compulsory? [ Download ] [ With Comments ]
Kelly D. took the first place this year, for submitting not one, but TWO awesome papers! This one was particularly Wong-Smithy, and it cited a previous Julio work, which earned Kelly some serious bonus points. The committee was also impressed by Kelly's ability to stall for two pages before mentioning a thesis. For her outstanding efforts, Kelly will be receiving $100 in cash!

Can You Be Without TV? [ Download ] [ With Comments ]
This was Kelly's second submission. It talked about cave scientists, had a proof by example, and also included a picture of a snail on a skateboard. After reading this paper, the committee is convinced that if there is no television, then there is no reality.

Reading Response of Doom [ Download ] [ With Comments ]
This Social Science paper, submitted by Bianca S., took us to a first name basis and had lots of pictures, including a great proof by diagram. If you've ever wondered about Professor Bogart's relationship to Humphrey Bogart, you don't have to wonder any longer. The committee has determined that this submission is worthy of a $40 prize!

The Cruel-ology of Zoo-ology [ Download ] [ With Comments ]
Have you ever been curious about how zoos treat their animals? Ryan D. does a Wong-Smithy job of explaining the differences and similarities between zoos and prisons. He also gave us a Buffalo Head nickel for good measure. The committee has determined that this submission is also worthy of a $40 prize!

Canadian Immigration Policy [ Download ] [ With Comments ]
Lindsey G. put together this paper on how Canada feels about people coming in to the cold (as opposed to catching a cold). We liked how it had pizza, and a primary source document to boot! It was certainly an "Eh?" paper. The committee has determined that this submission is worthy of a $20 prize!

honorable mentions

The Traditional Male Role [ Download ] [ With Comments ]
In this essay, Karam tackles the question of how the traditional male role has changed in the last 20 years. He goes to great lengths to ensure that all readers are offended, and his essay is proudly sponsored by Milk. The committee has conferred upon this submission an Honorable Mention!

The Most Dangerous Plug-In [ Download ] [ With Comments ]
This essay is all about Adobe Flash. Si-Yuan takes the reader through all of Flash's different phases - introduction, proliferation, addiction, aggression, and finally, stupid. This paper makes an attempt to educate others so that they may avoid the dangers of this crazy plug-in. The committee has conferred upon this submission an Honorable Mention!