2010 Essay contest results

In an epic attempt to be lazier than ever, the Committee fought tooth and nail to put off working for as long as possible. They put up a good fight, but ultimately, the essays were too good and they called out to the Committee members, overwhelming their desire to not do work and causing them to finally grade the essays. You guys are in for a treat, let me tell ya. Lots of good stuff. And bears. Lots of good bear stuff. Congratulations to the cash-winning submissions, and thank you to all of the entrants! For questions, comments, love, or abuse, send an email to julio.coolio@gmail.com and Julio will get back to you sooner or later.

Sincerely,

The Committee to Judge Wong-Smithy Essays submitted to the Committee to Judge Wong-Smithy Essays

Jeff & Mike
JaM Productions

the winning essays

Paper or Plastic or Flour: The continual attempt to create and earn dough
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Kelly D. has returned as reigning champion! This essay of hers is amazingly awesome and creative and very Wong-Smithy. Great use of pictures, vocabulary, and references to works of the Guild of Sundry. Her acrostic shout out to "Julio Coolio" netted her some bonus points as well. After reading this paper, all that the Committee members could say was "wow". The Committee has deemed this submission worthy of the grand prize award of $100!

How Hermann Got His Groove Back
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A newcomer to the contest, Philip M. wasn't afraid to ask the question "Where are bears?" The paper had a very Russian theme, which always makes for a good paper. His random sources and Wong-Smithy elements came together nicely as well. The Committee has deemed this submission worthy of the first prize award of $50!

How Steve Jobs is Systematically Taking Over the World
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Julia S. dared to go where only the bold and highly opinionated dare go: against Apple. She makes a convincing argument in the paper, and subliminally supports that argument with her full-length acrostic (which earned her some mega-awesome bonus points, by the way). There were lots of Wong-Smithy descriptions and thought progressions. The Committee has deemed this submission worthy of the second prize award of $25!

honorable mentions

Bear with me: Coke vs. Pepsi, and other forms of resentment
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Once again, Kelly D. has submitted two essays in her pursuit of awesomeness. This essay is driven by poignant images, and Morgan Freeman even makes a cameo appearance. A very good read, and lots of good insight about bears. The Committee has conferred upon this submission an Honorable Mention!

NSF Research Proposal
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Katie P. accurately captures what a paper by the grad student equivalent of undergrad Julio would be like. In this paper, she is able to take a common chain email concept and turn it into an idea that would harness geothermal energy for the eradication of the energy crisis, global warming, and zombies while defeating social injustice in education and providing free health care to all Americans. Needless to say, it's a pretty impressive proposal. The Committee has conferred upon this submission an Honorable Mention!

Only In Your Dreams
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In this essay, Amy B. presents an essay that Julio would have written if he was a girl and thought that pirates and ninjas could be friends. It takes a narrative form, and can be described as a mash-up of various pop culture references. The Committee has conferred upon this submission an Honorable Mention!

Untitled
[ View Essay ]
Ryan D. delves deep into the heretofore secret thoughts and penchants of the various types of bears. He describes the different interactions that the bears have, and unwraps their various resentments. The Committee has conferred upon this submission an Honorable Mention!